You read it right! Let's talk about sex...after baby.
One of the most frequent questions we see among facebook groups are the moms asking about when it is okay to have sex again after a baby. Sure, your provider likely gave you the go ahead at your six week checkup, but what if things don't really feel quite back to normal yet? Does that mean there's a problem? Often, the answer is no. There are so many factors that can come into play that may make you not feel so great about being intimate with your partner just yet. If breastfeeding, often dryness due to low estrogen can be an issue. A good lubricant can fix this, however be sure to use a water based lubricant if you are using barrier birth control methods, like condoms or diaphragms, as the oil based lubricants can break them down. The truth is, while six weeks tends to be the standard for when women are given the go-ahead, many may not be ready, and you may even be surprised by the frequency this happens. Many parents we have asked, have reported waiting months before having sex again. Yet, there are some parents who reported feeling ready before the six week visit to the provider even occurred. The only guarantee about sex after baby is that everyone feels differently. Sometimes it's a matter of feeling like ourselves again after stitches, and sometimes it can be a bit more mental. We often forget that no matter how we delivered, our bodies endured quite a lot, and we should give them some understanding. This may be difficult when we have a partner who is very much ready to get back down to business, but during this period of healing, understanding is very much key. It is important to not have sex until you are ready, and to allow yourself to go slow the first time, and stop if anything doesn't feel quite right. Communication between partners is an absolute necessity to building the trust and getting back to normal. In the mean time, it may be difficult, but reassure your partner that there are other ways to feel intimate and close to each other. If you truly feel in doubt about your healing and whether or not you feel ready to become intimate with your partner, we always suggest a call and/or visit to your provider. This is the only way to be 100% sure, as healing and readiness truly are on a case by case basis.
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Postpartum doulas...what is all the HYPE about??
The general understanding of what a postpartum doula does is widely misunderstood among the population. We are certain that if more people knew exactly what a postpartum doula does, more people would utilize them. The myths range from "Postpartum doulas are only really needed when you have postpartum depression," to "Postpartum doulas aren't much different than a nanny, and a nanny is cheaper." We are here to tell you this is completely false! Anyone can benefit from a postpartum doula, and we are capable of understanding and executing so much more than a nanny, which is why our rates may typically appear a bit higher. Don't believe us? Let's look at a story from one of our past clients... "I was in the midst of a massive move across the country for my husband's job. I didn't know anyone in New York, and was not particularly happy about the move. All of that emotion, plus trying to care for a six month old and a three year old felt almost impossible. It was then mentioned to me, that I should look into a postpartum doula in the area. I thought this would be out of question, as postpartum doulas seem to only be for the first six weeks, but another doula explained to me that this is not the case, and postpartum doulas can serve as long as they're needed. I started to feel a little less self conscious, and interviewed many postpartum doulas in the area. Many of them seemed to not have time or scheduling capability. Then I found Nikita. She was warm from the start, and even reached out via phone and email, which was perfect as this introvert doesn't often like to answer the phone! Upon emailing back and forth, she started to get me excited about the area, telling me of all the resources there were. I just knew I had found my match! Upon meeting Nikita in person at her first shift, I was exhausted, but also needed a friend. She balanced this perfectly. I remember one of the first things she said to me was "What can we try to do for you right now? And I completely understand that your needs may change minute to minute." It made me feel not so crazy and isolated. She was professional, but also warm, which made a huge difference to me as she would be left alone with my children while I was resting. I was shocked to wake up from an hour nap to find that she never once needed to come and ask me anything, she just did it all on her own. It almost felt weird to be in peace that long, but she handled everything! When she came over, my three year old often wanted her attention, and while she did have her fun with him, she realized that I needed the most support. Nikita worked with us in our household with almost nothing in it, as our household goods had not arrived yet. She improvised by prepping meals for us in the crock pot and even brainstormed with me to find a healthy meal plan, as I was trying to transition to whole 30. I could tell this was far more than a job to her, she often went home and researched better ways she could support us. Even my husband was impressed, and so relieved when she came over for night shifts. He would get a full night's sleep, and Nikita would bring my baby to me only when he needed to nurse, then take him to the other room to put him back to sleep. She respected everything we wanted to implement as far as our parenting decisions and never tried to sway us otherwise. Nikita was right that my support looked different every day. Sometimes it was needing to rest. Sometimes I needed her to help with meal prep and make things I could grab throughout the week because otherwise, I just wouldn't eat until I was starving. Sometimes, I just needed a friend to sit with me over coffee and make me not feel like the shell of a person I was at that time. And her bubbly personality was exactly what I needed! However, she knew when to cut me off and suggest rest as well. When Nikita left our family, we were self sufficient. I was able to devote a few hours a week to meal planning as she had done for us, and we even thrived enough to join a gym and start taking care of ourselves because we had been left so recharged at home. I learned it is never too late to hire a postpartum doula, and there never has to be a reason. But I'm so grateful for the time we did hire one, and would not hesitate to do it again or suggest it to any of my friends! Thanks Nikita!" Ahhhhhh grandparents! There is nothing more beautiful than watching your child become a parent, we are told. And who are we to rob them of that wonderful experience? A blessing and a curse, grandparents can be so helpful in the journey of having a baby, but occasionally the generations may clash. This is of no fault to either side, we were simply brought up differently. If only, there was a way to show the grandparents that they are understood and valued while also explaining the differences in generations and how times have changed. Enter, the Modern Grandparenting Class! That's right, here at New York Baby Co. we believe that grandparents are an important part of the journey and we want to help them be as confident and fierce in their role as you are. Think of us as the liaisons between the two generations. It is never your job as parents to explain anything to the new grandparents, however, we can't blame them for having the well meaning desire to do what is best for their grand baby. Let us take care of the explaining so you can focus your energy on your baby and your journey.
In the grandparents class, we will discuss how babies were raised back in the day and give grandparents the safe space to talk about their individual journeys. We will hear and nurture them, much like we do for you in your new parenting journey. Giving them the space to do this with us can, many times, minimize the chance that they will be doing this with you when you have enough going on in your head. Sometimes, our parents just want to feel validated that they did a great job with us, and we are here to give that to them! After talking about their side of the story, we will fill them in on generational differences. For example, they are likely not to understand that your generation may be much more likely to show off the baby bump. By showing them all these differences, they may not understand completely, but they will be aware, and in turn, build a respect for the differences. We will display many of the ways regulations have changed, such as not putting baby on his/her belly to sleep anymore and why these changes are now in place. This way, we can have all the conversations with them so you won't have to do so in the heat of an exhausted morning after being up all night with your little one. As always, our main goal is nonjudgmental support and you can rest assured that we will not take sides with either generation! We will merely serve to show ways for each generation to understand each other better. No approach or method is silly in our minds. However, we believe that all parents deserve to run their family confidently and in peace, and we want to do everything we can to help make this a reality in your household, while still giving the grandparents the golden moment they deserve. Want to hear more about this fantastic class? Visit our education page here or give us a call at 518-712-9767. At The NY Baby Co. we are true believers in FIERCE parenting! We want all of our parents to walk in the direction of confidence, fueled only by those who are going to contribute positively to their journey. While a doula serves to support, the ultimate goal is to nurture the family in a way that they will be able to function independently and no longer need the additional support. We will enter the scene with nothing but love and acceptance while gently guiding you where your instincts and values want to go, and by the time we leave, we hope to see you standing taller, knowing that while you can call us again for our services anytime, you've got this!
So what are the signs of a fierce parent? We are so glad you asked! Here are our three biggest takeaways that make a parent truly fierce. Confidence in Decisions You have Friend A telling you something different from Friend B, while your mother tells you that back in her day none of this was an issue and people are so uptight. What is a parent to do? While it can be easy to get frustrated and overwhelmed by all of the tension surrounding what you do with your baby, a fierce parent will smile, thank everyone for their opinion and move along. Trusting instincts is key. You know how to pick a great care provider and you know in your heart what your baby needs. It seems that even when you display this kind of confidence, people will chime in and have something to say, but that's okay, because a fierce parent knows how to move along with class, while continuing to do what is best for their family. Self Care, NO Apologies. It seems to be a tale as old as time that the terms parent and martyr go hand in hand. The self sacrificing person with every hair out of place and no time to themselves always seems to get the most praise. However, what is not pictured, is this same self sacrificing person burning out and melting down. No one wants another person to feel this way! This is why fierce parents know that when it's time to focus on themselves, it must be made a priority. It could be as simple as watching the newest episode of "Stranger Things" or as extravagant as buying yourself a hotel room for the night and enjoying not being touched...by anyone. Fierce is worn differently by everyone, but the importance is in how it makes you feel. It is fact that only when you are cared for, will you be able to give caring for someone else your absolute all. Never Lose your Charm! A fierce parent knows that they are still the person they were before they had a baby. Becoming a parent doesn't mean you are suddenly joining the club of one size fits all. It just means, you have another hat to wear. Do you love to paint? Like travel? Like going on for a night of dancing? KEEP DOING IT! Keep being you and keep shining. Our children love nothing more than to see that their parents are people with a passion and zest for life. Never forget the biggest lesson in this: fierce parents make fierce kids! If we want our children to know that they are free to be who they are, we have to show them that having them never erased who we were. And though they might give you a few eye rolls in their teen years, we can almost promise they will turn around to love you for it! Does this all sound impossible? Not to worry! It can be a tall order for families with a new baby to truly get comfortable with the idea of being fierce. That is why doulas can make a huge difference in your journey. We will help you navigate this crazy road and validate you when others won't. Fierce doesn't only belong to a few. It can belong to anyone. And it is YOURS for the taking! Do Doulas and epidurals mix?
One of our most frequently asked questions is “I really want to hire a doula, but I’m thinking about getting an epidural. Is that okay?” Today, we want to break the stigma and tell you that it’s more than okay. There is a myth in the birth world that doulas only exist to support clients who want to birth without pain medication. This is absolutely false. Doulas primarily serve as support people, and no matter how a client births there is so much we can do to help your experience be a better one. The truth is, professional doulas will never talk a client out of getting an epidural or tell the client when to get one. The decisions about your birth will remain exactly where we want them to remain: between you and your provider. Epidural administered…Now what? So you decided you wanted an epidural. Having a doula around can still be very helpful. Doulas are trained in supporting all types of births, so we can easily answer questions about the epidural and even help you formulate your own if you are wanting to talk to your care provider or anesthesiologist. We can also talk to your partner and help to support them. Upon getting the epidural, oftentimes you are confined to the bed as you will not be able to feel your legs. While many assume and epidural will mean instant comfort, this is often not the case. We can sit with you and help with comfort measures until you are feeling okay enough to rest. We can also support you if side effects such as nausea come about. The Bottom Line The biggest takeaway is that no matter what type of birth you choose, we as your doulas will attune and hold space for you. We will make sure you feel as safe and in control as possible and will be your right hand line of support to answer any questions and bring any comforts that may be able to help. We will also make sure your partner is doing the same. A professional doula understands that clients are in control of their own birthing choices. We completely trust you to make decisions that are best for you and your baby. You will never be locked into a birth plan with us, and we understand that your needs will change from minute to minute. No matter what you need, you can put your trust entirely in us. Have you seen those videos circulating of women dancing through labor? We just love them! Not only can the movements of dancing be a great comfort measure and distraction from pain, but it’s just plain fun! As your doulas, we want to support you in your decision to dance, so today we have comprised a list of our top twenty jams to dance to in labor that are just perfect for the occasion. Have a look!
Of course, aside from songs with appropriate titles, It’s important to dance to whatever will make us feel comfortable, and know that no choice is wrong. As your doulas, we will always support your choices, even in music!
Did you dance in pregnancy or labor? What was your music of choice? They are one of the biggest unknowns of a first pregnancy. What does a contraction feel like? Our family and friends can horrify us, yet among them are some who say contractions aren’t such a big deal. Interpretations range across the board, but when it comes to vaginal birth, one thing is for sure: it’s going to happen.
A contraction is a tightening and relaxing of the uterine muscle during labor. This causes the cervix to dilate and efface, progressing to ten centimeters, when the baby will eventually be able to come into the birth canal and be born. Contractions can be felt in the abdomen, low back, buttocks and legs. Some people describe them as feeling like a menstrual cramp, whereas others feel more back pain. Some contractions, known as Braxton hicks, are not considered a part of labor, but are rather practice contractions and are usually less intense. Contractions in active labor typically become longer, stronger and closer together. However, each birthing person will have their own pattern and intensity. This makes it increasingly hard to truly know what we will face before the big day. However, many childbirth education classes can teach coping mechanisms to assist in managing discomfort. These techniques can be practiced and learned so they are second nature by the time labor starts. Some people may feel that they don’t need many techniques in their toolbox, and others draw upon them before labor even starts. Clients planning to request medication for pain relief often don’t want to put much emphasis into learning these techniques, however it is always good to have handy, as hospital floors may become busy, labor may be too quick or medication may not work as we hoped it would. Often times, the uncertainty of how contractions will feel can become one of our biggest fears. However, nature is funny, as often times once birth is over we will remember how we felt during the contractions, but cannot describe the sensation itself. Have you already had contractions? Can you describe what they felt like? What is a babymoon? A baby moon is a relatively new trend, similar to a honeymoon where a couple takes a trip to enjoy some time together before a new baby join their family. This idea is catching on fast, and of course! Why not? A fun trip to take care of yourself before you’re taking care of someone else sounds not only logical, but healthy! As far as where to go and what to do, the limit does not exist! We have compiled a list of the five most ideal places in the Northeast to inspire some ideas for your perfect babymoon! Here goes nothing…
2) New York City, New York Start spreading the news, this city has so much to offer personalities of all kinds. Go to the top of the empire state building, see the statue of liberty, catch a Broadway show or walk through central park. This destination is relatively close and an easy train ride away! Pro-tip: Pack comfortable shoes! 3) Newport, Rhode Island Take a beautiful stroll on the cliff walk, visit the famous mansions and have a few beach days. Don’t forget to indulge in some New England clam chowder and grab a cute onesie from one of the many shops on Thames Street.
5) Waterbury, Vermont Many ski resorts remain open for the summer, which could mean a cheaper stay going in the off season. There is surprisingly so much to do in this area. For the foodies: tour the Ben and Jerry’s and Cabot cheese factory, and don’t forget that you can take two samples! For the adventurers, enjoy fishing, hiking, kayaking and paddle boarding. For the sentimentals, take a stop in the teddy bear factor and make your baby’s first lovie together. And if you’re wanting for some beautiful scenery, take the trek up to Lake Champlain. Already took your babymoon? Where did you go? Tell us all about it in the comments!
What is attunement? Attunement is the ability to get inside the mind of another person. It’s about anticipating their wants and needs and knowing how they may react to certain situations without even having to ask them. There are many times we attune in our everyday lives without even realizing it. Think about a friend who is having a hard time, a child and parent relationship or career fields such as psychology, education or medicine. No matter what walk of life we are from, it’s likely that we all have at least tried to attune to someone at some point in our lives. Attunement is everywhere, and when done well, can be a powerful gift for the giver and recipient.
Doulas can attune too! Did you know that a huge part of the training our doulas go through involves learning to attune to another person? It’s actually pretty important, and tends to be why our clients love us. The birth and postpartum periods can be vulnerable and exhausting, even for the seasoned parent. It can often be difficult for our clients to verbalize exactly what it is they need in terms of support. Hiring a professional doula takes the guess work out of figuring out wants and needs, and in turn gets them met in a way that the entire family can function in harmony as a unit. This attunement can appear in many different ways, but allow us to name just a few.
Attunement feels GREAT! Having someone around who can attune to us can be one of the most amazing feelings in the world. During the birth and postpartum period, our needs can change in the blink of an eye. Having a professional to anticipate these needs changing and adjust to the family’s needs can make all the difference between surviving and thriving. As your doulas, we want to make your experience the best it can possibly be, and while you’re always free to tell us what is on your mind or what you need, you can rest assured that if this is a difficult task for you, we will always be working very hard to figure it out and then support you in a way that will make sense to your individual journey. Want an attunement expert in your birth and postpartum experience? Give the NY Baby Co. a call today at 518-712-9767 to schedule your free consultation! |